Antics of a Bedroom Bully

Antics of a Bedroom Bully

The bed shook as I jumped in shock,on average 229 961 hours of your life will be spent in your bed, that large, fluffy rectangle, is where a third of your time will be spent, not including hours of movies, reading and bouts of influenza, resulting in a large majority of sniffles, laughter and comforters pulled up to your eyes as the new horror movie blares viscerally on the screen.

We are a nation of cheaters, more in love with our sleep and by default our beds, yet in terms of bedroom style, we haven’t progressed much from the Dryopithecus of 14.8 million years ago. I fondly remember bunk beds, and wrestling a much larger relative to sleep on the top; to now what is essentially the Homo Erectus stage of sleeping areas – four poster beds and dark wood headboards. I question as to whether I really want one, haunted by late adolescent bravado and semi-drunken talks with friends about how I’d like to die whilst in a tryst with my wife or occasionally break a headboard or two. Little did I know, the slightly older, wiser me understands that this room, where I lay cuddled with thick mottled blankets on cold days and “one leg in and one leg out” for temperature control, deserves a little more appreciation.

Sleepless nights and baby cries, card games, books, midnight snacks and the odd pillow fight that left me on my 3 div sofa have all shown the value of the place I rest my head. After such abuse, maybe it’s time I invested in it. The headboard I like. The four poster bed, the Queen or the King, the options are endless and because I’m conscious as to where I place my phone, it would obviously be a necessity to get a chest ped, or a vintage side table, maybe a bed box ottoman and some Flokati Throws.

Life revolves around your bedroom, from getting dressed to getting undressed, bedtime stories and interruptions by the pitter patter of paws or little feet, scrounging to squeeze in between you and your loved one. With that in mind, it’s time I made my bedroom my home, because, if I’m going to die in it, then I’d prefer it to be in the same manner that Hugh Hefner would.


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